when getting a divorce do you go to lawyer or mediator first

The mediator is going to get you through it. They are going to help you negotiate your case, draft up the property settlement agreements, process the divorce. The same thing with lawyers, if you and your spouse both have lawyers, you are going to get through the case.

Full Answer

Do I need a lawyer to mediate my divorce?

There is no requirement that a mediator be a lawyer and in fact, some of the most qualified mediators aren't lawyers at all. Additionally, when a couple uses divorce mediation, lawyers are not also required at any point in their uncontested divorce unless either/both spouses choose to involve them.

Can a mediator force you to accept terms in a divorce?

Keep in mind that mediators are neutral resources and they are not participating to take a side and force you or your spouse to accept terms that you don’t want to. Both you and your spouse should talk to several mediators until you both find one who is agreeable to both sides.

How do I find a mediator for my divorce?

Both you and your spouse should talk to several mediators until you both find one who is agreeable to both sides. Be sure to ask if the resource has taken mediation courses, and how much training and experience they have. Also ask if they are certified in basic mediation, family mediation, and/or any other areas.

How do I prepare for a divorce mediation?

Once agreed upon, the key to a successful mediation is preparation. You can’t control all parts of a divorce mediation, but you can take steps that will help the process proceed as smoothly and as quickly as possible. As part of this process, you will need to gather several documents, including: Partnerships & Other Business Interests Valuation.

Is mediation a good idea in divorce?

Mediation is typically less stressful and less expensive than a divorce trial, and it usually proceeds much faster. Because you and your spouse have the final say over your divorce matters, mediation also allows couples to maintain the power and control in their divorce, as opposed to asking a judge to decide.

When should you use a mediator?

Mediation may be appropriate when:Parties are having difficulties resolving the dispute because of lack of conflict resolution skills or because of resistance to confronting, or being confronted by, the other party. ... There are strong psychological or relationship barriers to negotiating a resolution.More items...

What are disadvantages of mediation?

Mediation also relies on the cooperation of both parties. If the parties involved in mediation aren't able to compromise, the process can end in failure. One of the biggest disadvantages of mediation is that it can be very difficult to make sure that the settlement is fair to both parties.

How long after mediation is divorce final?

How Long After Mediation Is Divorce Final? If you take your divorce case to court, it will generally take about 12-18 months to be finalized. However, if you choose mediation as an alternative to divorce, then it can be finalized in as little as three months.

The Role of a Divorce Mediator

The role of a divorce mediator is to help you and your spouse reach an agreement.

The Role of a Divorce Lawyer

The role of a lawyer in the divorce mediation process is to be your adviser and your advocate. Unlike a mediator, your lawyer is not neutral or independent. Your lawyer represents you.

How The Divorce Mediation Process Works

During the divorce mediation process, you and your spouse meet in the mediator’s office and discuss your divorce. The mediator will probably want to know what you and your spouse each need and want in your divorce.

Why You Need a Mediator and a Lawyer

Because a lawyer and a mediator serve very different roles, to mediate your divorce effectively, you need both a mediator and a lawyer.

Should You Ditch Mediation and Just Let Your Lawyer Settle Your Case?

Letting your lawyer negotiate your divorce is incredibly expensive. Every time your lawyer picks up the phone, or reads an email, or writes a settlement proposal, you pay for his/her time. Since few cases settle after a single round of negotiations, your legal fees will quickly start to skyrocket.

Hiring a Divorce Mediator and a Divorce Lawyer

All in all, while hiring a mediator and a lawyer might not be what you ever wanted to do, chances are that getting divorced is something you never thought you would do either.

How do I know if I need a divorce mediator?

You may not be happy about it but you realize that that’s the path is going towards, then you are a good candidate for using a divorce mediator. Versus people that use lawyers, one of them tends to have some sort of psychological problems. The one I see the most is a narcissistic personality disorder. They are controlling, unwilling to accept compromise. Other people are just psychologically not really to move off the marriage. You have to think if you’re the one that has brought up the topic of divorce, and you’re saying, “I want a divorce.” You are two or three stages ahead. You’ve been thinking about this for a while. Your spouse may not be ready for that. That may hold them back. The idea might be new to them, so they may end up using a lawyer.

What is the difference between a divorce lawyer and a divorce mediator?

The first difference is, a mediator is going to give you guidance and a lawyer is going to give you representation. Those two things are very similar but slightly different. With guidance, a mediator is going to sit down with you and your spouse and they can give you real guidance as to how the divorce process works, how your case might come out – if you were to go to court. They will give you an opinion on how equitable distribution will be decided, how much support you might have to pay, those sorts of things.

How much does a divorce cost?

Another difference between the two is cost. Your average divorce litigation costs $25,000 per side, so that’s about $50,000 total. That’s an average for divorce litigation. Compare that to the average cost for divorce mediation which is about $5,000-$7,000, and that’s total. That includes everything that’s needed to get your divorce done: the mediation sessions, the drafting of the property settlement agreement, custody agreements, filing fees for the divorce. So, that’s an all-in price. That can vary a little bit. If you have a simple divorce it might cost as little as $1,500. If you are very complex maybe you are looking at $8,000-$9,000 tops. But really 95% of cases are going to be in that $5,000-$7,000 range. That’s a huge difference considering the average cost of divorce litigation is about $25,000 each side.

How long does it take to get a divorce mediation?

Time-frame. Another big difference. 2-3 years for a litigated divorce, and about 6 months for a mediated divorce. You may ask yourself, “Why the difference in cost and time between a lawyer and a mediator?” It’s a good question. You have to think about how divorce litigation works and if you both have lawyers. Every time you want to communicate a message to the other side, you have to talk to your lawyer, and then your lawyers drafts up a letter to send to the other side. Then your lawyer sends it to their lawyer, and then their lawyer reviews it, and then their lawyer discusses it with your spouse, and then your spouse discusses his/her reply with their lawyer. To get communications, everything takes 5x as long and is 5x as complicated because you are using lawyers. You are going through these people that are going to be advocates and they are discussing the strategy with you. Everything is like that in divorce litigation, it gets very expensive, and everything takes a really long time.

What are the similarities between a mediator and a lawyer?

Similarities are that they are both going to get your case done. The mediator is going to get you through it. They are going to help you negotiate your case, draft up the property settlement agreements, process the divorce. The same thing with lawyers, if you and your spouse both have lawyers, you are going to get through the case. It may take a little bit longer, which I will discuss in a minute, but they are both going to get your case done relatively easily.

What does a mediator do in divorce?

The mediator is going to get you through it. They are going to help you negotiate your case, draft up the property settlement agreements, process the divorce. The same thing with lawyers, if you and your spouse both have lawyers, you are going to get through the case.

Can a divorce lawyer be a mediator?

This difference may surprise you especially when it comes to the mediators. Really , most states don’t have any standards for who can become a mediator.

What is mediation in divorce?

Divorce mediation is a potential alternative to litigation. In mediation, couples meet with a mutually agreed-upon neutral mediator to discuss and resolve the issues in their divorce without court involvement. A mediator does not make orders about the case; rather, the mediator guides the discussion and assists the couple in reaching an agreement. Once the spouses have worked things out, most mediators help them write up a marital settlement agreement to sign and present to the judge.

How to negotiate a divorce settlement?

Many states require divorcing spouses to attempt mediation—either before the judge will accept the case or before the case goes to trial, depending on state law. Court-ordered mediation is usually free or low-cost. The court will appoint a mediator for you and schedule the mediation hearings to work with both spouses' schedules. The process itself is the same as private mediation, so both spouses will participate (lawyers are optional) and attempt to negotiate a divorce settlement. As with private mediation, if you agree on some but not all the issues in your divorce, the mediator can draft a partial settlement agreement. You can then ask the court to decide the remaining issues.

How much does mediation cost?

The average cost of divorce mediation (both in-person and online) is $3,000-$8,000. The price of mediation varies depending on the market rate where you live and whether you need to bring in experts to help sort out complex matters, such as division of a family business. For most divorcing couples, though, mediation is a far less expensive option than battling it out in court.

What happens if a divorce is not resolved?

If spouses are unable to reach a resolution, their case will go to trial. At trial, both spouses present their side of the story and produce evidence in support of their positions. After considering the case, the judge issues a divorce decree —a binding and enforceable court order—that details the judge's decisions about the unresolved matters in the divorce. It can take years and thousands of dollars to resolve a contested divorce.

What happens when a couple can't agree on how to resolve issues?

When a couple can't agree on how to resolve these issues, the divorce is " contested ."

How much does it cost to go through a divorce trial?

On average, going through a trial in a contested divorce will cost each spouse tens of thousands of dollars. The cost increases when you hire experts or when the parties file a lot of motions (written requests for the judge to rule on a specific matter).

Is it better to hire a mediator or a lawyer for divorce?

Hiring a mediator to guide you and your spouse in mediation is often less expensive and less combative than hiring a lawyer to take your divorce to court. But cost isn't the only consideration when deciding how to divorce. Here's some information to help you evaluate whether working with a mediator instead of a lawyer is right for your divorce.

What is the process of divorce mediation?

Every mediator and mediation process is a bit different, but they generally follow the same path. Once you and your spouse agree on a mediator, the mediator will contact both of you to gather information about your marriage, what issues you are facing and your financial information.

What is mediation in divorce?

Divorce mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process that allows divorcing couples to try and negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement with the help of a neutral mediator. A mediator does not have the authority to make decisions.

How much does a divorce mediator cost?

Mediators in private practice can charge anywhere from $100 all the way up to $1,000 per hour, but most fall in the $100 to $300 per hour range.

Why is mediation more important than litigation?

Lawyers have a much more limited role. Mediation is less adversarial than litigation which reduces the animosity and can help preserve a working relationship. Mediators are trained in counseling can assist both sides in acknowledging feelings but not allowing feelings to control the decision-making process.

Why do people use mediation?

There are lots of good reasons to consider using mediation when you’re going through a divorce: It is confidential. There is no public record of what goes on during the mediation process. Mediation typically costs less than litigation or collaborative divorce.

What happens if you and your spouse cannot reach agreement?

If you and your spouse cannot reach agreement and the negotiations fail, then you will have to start your divorce process over from scratch with new attorneys , and this can be very expensive after you’ve already invested in the collaborative process.

What is collaborative divorce?

With a collaborative divorce, you and your spouse each have your own collaborative attorney and divorce coach, and there is also a neutral financial specialist. All members of the team (clients and professionals) commit to helping you and your spouse settle your case without litigation.

What to know before starting divorce mediation?

17 Divorce Mediation Tips You Need to Know Before You Start Mediation. Some of these tips may not apply to you – but read through each to determine which ones you can put into practice to make your entire experience with mediation go more smoothly. 1. Agree to come to the table in good faith. Mediation requires both you and your ex to decide ...

Why do divorce courts order mediation?

And in some cases, the courts actually order mediation to help people resolve disagreements (particularly when it comes to parenting plans for their children). Check out these 17 divorce mediation tips if you’re headed ...

What is the purpose of mediation?

Mediation is about finding common ground, not about bending your ex to your will (or about your ex bending you to his or her will), so don’t walk into it thinking that you’re going to “take it all.”. Instead, expect to walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

How to be successful in mediation?

6. Be comfortable with making your own decisions. Your mediator won’t tell you what to do; instead, he or she will present you with options after identifying and discussing issues. 7. Participate actively in the process. If you don’t actively participate , or worse, if you don’t cooperate, mediation won’t be successful.

How to get your ex to agree to a mediation?

Mediation requires both you and your ex to decide that you’ll both do your best to find common ground – even if you don’t feel like getting along. 2. Do your homework, and ask your ex to do the same.

Can you hide assets in mediation?

You certainly can’t hide assets; doing so will get you into serious trouble in court. 14. Know that it’s okay to take a break. Mediation isn’t the most fun you’re going to have.

Can an attorney come with you?

Your attorney can come with you if you wish, but that’s something you should discuss prior to your appointment; in some cases, it’s best if you go alone. 12. Don’t try to mediate if your spouse is abusive. If your spouse has been physically or verbally abusive, mediation may not be the best choice for you.

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About the Author

As a life empowerment coach, Adina Laver, MBA, M.Ed, CPC helps individuals in transition, particularly separation and divorce, work past the difficult decisions they typically face.

1. Be yourself in the meeting

You are allowed to feel and express emotion because a divorce is an emotional process. Some lawyers have difficulty with emotion. Those lawyers often practice anything but family law.

2. Be organized

While your first meeting with a divorce lawyer will be filled with you providing details, answering questions, and trying to absorb sometimes complicated legal rules while trying to assess the lawyer’s personality, there are things you can do in advance that may help move this meeting ahead more smoothly.

3. Know your goals for the divorce

When you go into this first lawyer meeting, it benefits you to be prepared, but that preparation should focus on you, your situation, needs, and goals. If you are prone to investigating divorce processes online, be wary of what you read.

What is divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is the process , but it can hinge on who the mediator is, prompting the question, “What makes a good one?” While it might require certification and lawyers and former judges do the job, it’s not the sole realm of those professions.

Is divorce a thought?

Your life was building with a marriage, career and growing family, but now it’s not. Divorce isn’t merely a thought. It’s what’s happening. You’re sad, angry, and resentful, but you don’t want to create more destruction before it officially ends. If you want to end your marriage amicably and you and your soon-to-be ex are on good terms, divorce mediation is often the best path forward.