A man walked into a lawyer’s office and asked him how much he charged. The lawyer responded “it’s $100 for three questions.” “Isn’t that a lot?” asked the man.
Here’s a quick look at 10 of the funniest lawyer jokes we’ve heard. 1. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
A woman was awarded over $2 million after she was burned on her lower body by hot coffee served by the restaurant. There are plenty of lawsuits like this one. Below we’ve compiled a list of some of the most amusing cases. Check out these 8 Hilarious But True Court Cases You Won’t Believe and then tell us what you think! 1. Favorite Pants
More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything.
Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. “Actually, yes,” the man replied. “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? Actually, these might just be the funniest lawyer jokes ever.
Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. In response, Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. Motion denied.”
“After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court enters the following order.” So begins the opinion of Federal District Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious film, Wayne’s World. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”
When all was said and done (and won), the client asked to be put in touch with the expert. Why? Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary.
Poetic justice. Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson:
A young man named George had surgery to correct an ugly scar on his hand. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”
Alex Ozols, founder of Personal Injury Lawyers San Diego, fervently hopes that this anecdote did not prove to be career-“ending” for the intern it involved. “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. “Poor kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements,” Ozols explains. Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”
In 2011, Melissa Cooper was awarded $50,000 after she sued Christopher Kelley, her former fiancé and father of one of her children, for fraud and breach of promise. Kelley gave Cooper a ring in 2004. After a 10-year relationship he broke off their engagement for another woman.
However, Allen Heckard of Portland, Ore., had often been confused for Michael Jordan and did not enjoy it. He sued the NBA star along with the cofounder of Nike, Phil Knight, in 2006 for $832 million. Heckard’s looks were not far off from the basketball legend, and he even sported a similar earring.
A woman was awarded over $2 million after she was burned on her lower body by hot coffee served by the restaurant. There are plenty of lawsuits like this one. Below we’ve compiled a list of some of the most amusing cases. Check out these 8 Hilarious But True Court Cases You Won’t Believe and then tell us what you think!
When Trina Thompson of New York was unable to find a suitable job following graduation from Monroe College, she filed a $72,000 case in 2009 against her alma mater. Thompson, who graduated with a 2.7 GPA, claimed the college’s career services department didn’t provide sufficient help with her job search and gave preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. She sought to regain the $70,000 she had spent on tuition for her bachelor’s degree in information technology plus an extra $2,000 for the stress caused during her three-month job search.
In 2008, an Illinois woman Gayane Zokhrabov, 58, tried to sue the estate of Hiroyuki Joho, 18, an unfortunate victim of a train accident. While attempting to catch an inbound Metra train, Joho ran across the tracks and was struck by an Amtrak train traveling 70 mph. Portions of the victim’s deceased body struck Zokhrabov as she waited on a nearby train platform, injuring her shoulder, wrist and leg. The lower court judge dismissed the morbidly bizarre case, stating that the young man could not have predicted where his body would strike because he was dead. An appeals court later disagreed and said that it was “reasonably foreseeable” that a high-speed could kill Joho and send his flying body parts into crowds of waiting passengers.
5. Drunken Identity. In 1991, Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000 claiming the company had falsely advertised the scene of beautiful women and men enjoying themselves while drinking beer. Overton was upset when he discovered this type of lifestyle was not a reality from merely drinking beer.
The $67 million, which later was lowered to $53 million, Pearson says was equal to claims for common law fraud violations. Pearson eventually lost the pant case after he failed to prove the trousers he picked up were not his. 2. Beware of Killer Whales.