when to talk to a spouse about divorce before or after a lawyer

Full Answer

How to talk to your spouse about a divorce?

They’re going to react and there are some things that could happen that you need to prepare for.” Before jumping into the divorce talk, try to have a conversation with your spouse about your problems to see if you might be able to work things out. If you’ve already tried that with no luck, it might be time for the next step.

What if my spouse has a divorce lawyer and I don't?

What if My Spouse Has a Divorce Lawyer and I Don't? Divorce is scary enough without your spouse’s lawyer intimidating you in court. Yet, some people choose to represent themselves in a divorce even when a spouse has hired a lawyer. You don’t need to hire an attorney simply because your spouse has one.

Is it time to start the divorce talk?

Before jumping into the divorce talk, try to have a conversation with your spouse about your problems to see if you might be able to work things out. If you’ve already tried that with no luck, it might be time for the next step.

When should you hire a divorce attorney?

After you have had the talk and let your spouse know about your intentions, you should hire an attorney to begin taking the initial steps of filing for divorce. Once everything is drawn up, you can wait to file until your spouse is ready. You still want to push for an amicable split and rushing things may harm future negotiations.

What to do before telling spouse you want a divorce?

Top 10 Things to Do Before You File For a DivorceNever Threaten to Divorce Until You Are Ready To File. ... Organize Your Documents. ... Focus on Your Children. ... Make Sure You Have Three Months of Financial Resources. ... Obtain the Best Legal Advice You Can Get. ... Make Sure You Have Available Credit.More items...

Should I talk to my spouse during divorce?

You should only communicate with your spouse if the communications are to be positive, important and cordial. Feelings can run a little hot in divorce ”“ it happens, it's normal ”“ but you want to keep a level head. If you act hateful or threatening, that will hurt you in divorce court in matters such as child custody.

What should a wife ask for in a divorce settlement?

5 Things To Make Sure Are Included In Your Divorce SettlementA detailed parenting-time schedule—including holidays! ... Specifics about support. ... Life insurance. ... Retirement accounts and how they will be divided. ... A plan for the sale of the house.

How do I start my divorce conversation?

How to Bring Up DivorceBe Honest. When mentioning divorce, the best course of action is to be honest. ... But Don't Discuss Too Many Details. ... Be Prepared. ... Be Aware of When You Tell Them. ... Be Gentle But Also Be Firm. ... What If They Refuse to Cooperate? ... Know When to Get Help. ... Seek Professional Help When Discussing Arrangements.More items...•

Should I block my husband during divorce?

The lengths to which you go to protect your privacy from your spouse during a divorce depend on your relationship. If you are going through a cordial, uncontested divorce, you might not feel blocking your spouse is necessary. However, if you two are not on good terms, consider blocking them from all your accounts.

Should you talk to in laws about divorce?

No matter how your divorce happened, it is important to be respectful and gracious during these interactions. Do not talk poorly about your ex in front of his or her parents, even if he or she deserves it in your mind. Being diplomatic and respectful is ultimately the best choice for any situation like this.

Why moving out is the biggest mistake in a divorce?

You Can Damage Your Child Custody Claim One of the most significant ways moving out can influence your divorce is when it comes to child custody. If you move out, it means you don't spend as much time with your kids. Not only can this harm your relationship, but it can also damage your custody claim.

Who loses more in a divorce?

Marriage is connected to a longer lifespan for both men and women. While both genders see a rise in deaths following divorce, the rate for men is 1,773 per 100,000, compared to 1,096 for women.

Is spouse entitled to 401K in divorce?

California is a community property state. This means that assets obtained during the marriage are divided in half upon divorce, including retirement savings and pension plans. In the case of a 401K or another type of plan, a spouse is entitled to 50% of the plan's acquired value during the course of the marriage.

Does it make a difference who files for divorce first?

Filing for divorce first does not give you any inherent rights over your spouse. One benefit is that if the specific facts of your case warrant, you could have a choice of which county—and sometimes which state — to file the paperwork in. To be clear, you cannot just file in any ol' location.

How do I approach my husband about divorce?

9 Steps for Telling Your Spouse You Want a DivorceDon't Ambush Your Spouse. Even if your spouse knows how unhappy you are, there is no assurance he/she isn't in denial about a divorce. ... Pick a Private Place. ... Be Prepared for Anger. ... Plan What to Say. ... Don't Blame. ... Stay Calm. ... Avoid a Trial Separation. ... Maintain Boundaries.More items...•

How do I know my marriage is over?

"If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both partners is spending all their time at work, with friends, online — and if feels like a relief not to be with each other — it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage." 9 You don't support or listen to each other.

How important is time and place in a conversation?

Time and place are extremely important when you decide to have this painful discussion — want to have this conversation somewhere that is comfortable and intimate. This is likely going to be very emotional, so keep it out of the public eye. Additionally, you both need to remain as sharp as possible.

Is it hard to end a marriage?

While ending any relationship is hard, ending a marriage is the most difficult of all. Not only have you likely been with your spouse for a long period of time, there are many more ramifications for both of your futures than if you were simply breaking up with your high-school sweetheart. The legal, financial, property and custody issues ...

Is it normal to have thoughts about divorce?

Having occasional thoughts about divorce every once in a while is actually very normal, and you should not rush to any conclusions until you are positive beyond any reasonable doubt that it isn’t just occasional fancies.

Is divorce a hollow threat?

This is very detrimental, as divorce is not something that should be taken lightly. Constant hollow threats detracts from its meaning, and could lead you not being taken seriously — even if you really mean it. Resist the urge to talk about divorce when you are angry.

Reasons to tell your spouse you're filing for divorce

My philosophy as a divorce attorney is to help people get through their situation and then move on with their lives with as little stress as possible. Blindsiding someone with divorce papers is usually a great way to make sure a divorce starts off extremely litigious.

Reasons not to tell your spouse you're filing

Of course, there are exceptions. If a couple is living together and there are domestic violence concerns, the situation must be handled with extreme caution. The safety of my client and his or her children is always my top priority.

How to tell your spouse

It has been my practice to send a letter to the spouse (if unrepresented by an attorney) prior to the divorce papers being served. This document lays out that I have been retained by his or her spouse to obtain a divorce, but we intend to focus on the issues with no intention of trying to embarrass or belittle the other party.

What are some secrets that a divorce lawyer may not want to share with you?

Below are twenty secrets that a divorce lawyer may not want to share with you. 1. It's going to cost more than you bargained for. It's not always the case—but more often than not, the costs associated with your divorce will often be higher than your lawyer's original estimate.

How to choose a divorce attorney?

There are several things to look for when choosing a divorce attorney. You want to choose someone who is experienced, respected, competent, and affordable. If they are proving to not be a good fit though, change them. Because you can, even if the reason is that you don't get on with him or her. Bear in mind however that if an attorney has worked on your case, you'll have to pay her/him for their time. Also, it might damage your case to change attorney's when you are close to a court ordered deadline, so only do it after careful consideration.

How do divorce lawyers save money?

That you'll save money and heartache by being organized. Divorce lawyers often charge by the hour. If you take responsibility for being as organized as possible, not only are you likely to walk away from your marriage with a more acceptable outcome, you'll probably save some money too.

What is mediation in divorce?

Mediation is a process whereby you and your spouse sit down with a neutral third party to negotiate several important areas of divorce. It's a low-cost way to address practically any other disagreement you and your spouse may have. While the mediator's decision is not binding, it allows a neutral party to provide their perspective on how divorce related issues should be addressed. However, mediation can only be a useful tool if you and your spouse can come to an broad agreement.

What does it mean to be uncontested in divorce?

An uncontested divorce means that you and your spouse agree child custody, spousal support, child support, visitation, and division of property. If you find that there is no need to fight over these things, you've already saved yourself thousands of dollars.

What is fault based divorce?

Fault-based divorce is when one spouse committed an act that gives legal justification to the ending of the marriage. These acts include adultery, a felony conviction, cruelty, or desertion.

How to start a divorce?

One of the best and simplest ways to do that is to start a divorce file. In this file, keep every bit of paper that could have an effect on how your divorce proceedings. Gather copies of all important financial documents and access to all account information. Keep it organized and easy to navigate.

How to deal with divorce emotionally?

If you have the financial means, it can help to speak with a therapist or other mental health professional. At the very least, speak with friends who have been through divorce. Let your family and friends know that you’ll be leaning on them for advice and moral support. Being emotionally stable will better prepare you to make smart decisions as your divorce progresses.

What does a divorce decree mean?

In most jurisdictions, the judge automatically issues an order at the beginning of your divorce case that prohibits you or your spouse from selling, buying, or otherwise encumbering or disposing of any marital property. Courts do this to prevent either spouse from draining the bank accounts, or dissipating the marital estate out of spite.

Can I have a relationship with my spouse before divorce?

Additionally, a judge may consider money you spend on a paramour dissipation of the marital estate, and could require you to reimburse your spouse for those expenditures. In any case , it typically doesn’t help your case to have started another relationship before your divorce has been filed. In some states you can begin a relationship after filing for divorce; speak with your attorney about how the court will view dating before your divorce is complete. See Divorce and Dating for more information.

Can I get a divorce without a balance sheet?

You can’t decide your financial goals for your divorce without having an accurate picture of your assets and debts. While it’s not usually necessary to hire an accountant prior to filing for divorce, it’s a good idea to put together a simple balance sheet showing all of your assets and debts.

Can I get divorced if only one spouse wants to end the marriage?

Once you’ve served your spouse with divorce papers, it can be difficult to go back on that decision, even if you’ve changed your mind. The court can grant a divorce even if only one spouse wants to end the marriage. If you’d still like to give marital counseling a try, do so before you file for divorce.

Should I interview more than one attorney before filing for divorce?

It’s a good idea to interview more than one attorney before you decide to file for divorce. You’ll want to work with an attorney that fits your style, and understands your goals for litigation . Avoid lawyers who offer you solutions before listening to the particular facts of your case.

Can you get custody of your children if you divorce?

If you have children, their custody situation is probably at the forefront of your mind when getting a divorce. You should know that, absent extreme circumstances, you and your spouse will end up sharing custody of the children. It’s a good idea to sit down and carefully review your work schedule, your children’s schedule, and your other obligations and come up with your desired schedule for custody. If you can come up with a arrangement that gives both you and your spouse time with the children, you’ll be leaps and bounds ahead of most people who file for divorce.

How to avoid a divorce?

This can help you avoid a confrontation you may not be prepared for. Don’t be indecisive. If you aren’t sure you want a divorce, don’t use the word “divorce.”. This could trigger actions or legal moves by your spouse, which you may not be prepared for if you aren’t certain about filing ...

How to tell your kids about divorce?

Plan what you will say in advance. Write it down, if you need to. If possible, you and your spouse should tell your children together. This shows your children that you are united in caring for them and that they do not have to take sides, one parent against the other. Tell your children that the divorce is only between the adults and ...

What should my focus be on in divorce in Oklahoma?

Your focus should be on both caring for your children, and your ability to show the Oklahoma divorce court that you have their best interests in mind. “Best interests” includes helping your children have a positive relationship with your spouse, regardless of the quality of your relationship with your spouse.

How to deal with a divorced child?

Be receptive and reassuring upon further questioning about the divorce. Be tolerant of your children’s possible emotional outbursts, behavior changes and confused loyalties as they process their feelings. Consider telling your children’s teachers or daycare providers, even before the divorce is filed.

What to do if your kids are divorced?

It is important that they not be put into a role of parenting you, as that is not in their best interests. Alert the children that some things in their lives will change after the divorce, such as where both parents live. Be specific, if you know specifics.

Do I have to tell my spouse I'm divorced in Oklahoma?

Do I have to tell my spouse? No. Technically you can wait until your spouse is served with divorce papers, and have the papers do the telling. It may be considered bad form in most cases — except for abuse — not to have a conversation, however. Although your behavior towards your spouse isn’t strictly relevant to the Oklahoma court’s divorce ...

What is the best way to get divorced?

Mediation involves a neutral attorney who helps couples reach an agreement in a divorce. The mediator doesn’t represent either spouse and can’t give legal advice. Instead, mediators help couples identify the issues that need to be resolved and create an agreement that comports with the law.

What to do if you can't agree on custody of your child?

If you have children and you can't agree on a custody arrangement with your spouse, you should hire an attorney to help you sort this out. There are many factors that go into a custody decision. An attorney who understands the law can help you be successful in the custody process.

Can a couple have one attorney for divorce?

Under limited circumstances, a couple can use one attorney to resolve their divorce. Specifically, couples who’ve already resolved their asset, debt division, and custody issues may want to hire one attorney to draft up a divorce agreement. But, the spouse who hires or “retains” the lawyer is the lawyer’s client.

Can a divorce lawyer represent you?

But, the spouse who hires or “retains” the lawyer is the lawyer’s client. If you are the unrepresented spouse, be aware that the lawyer preparing the divorce agreement doesn’t represent you and cannot give you legal advice. One attorney may be enough for couples with simple divorces, but make sure you understand your legal rights if you’re ...

Can I share my divorce attorney with my spouse?

Can I Share a Divorce Attorney With My Spouse? Divorce attorneys can’t represent both spouses in a divorce. If your spouse asks you to split the legal bill, don’t do it. An attorney hired by your spouse can’t serve your interests too.

Can you argue divorce in court?

Mediation is confidential and even if you and your spouse don’t reach an agreement, you can still argue your divorce in court. The major drawback of mediation is that a mediator can’t advise you if you’re making a good decision – only your own attorney can.

What to do before filing for divorce?

Divorce is not only tasking; it is unpredictable in its outcomes and length. When you decide to divorce, what to do first is a common question. Before filing for divorce, there are things to do that can help you prevent a lot of financial and emotional struggles.

How to prepare for divorce?

Prepare your documents. Include the organization of documents in the preliminary steps to file for the divorce. The better your papers are arranged, the more money you will save. If your documentation is a mess, your lawyer needs more time to go through it, thus increasing your bill. 6.

What is the role of a counselor in divorce?

While a lawyer helps you win the battle in court, a counselor can help you win the internal battle of conflicting forces. A professional can help you prepare for, cope with, and discover strategies of dealing with divorce struggles. Taking the high road during divorce is not easy, yet it is important.

What to do when you are in doubt about divorce?

Furthermore, before breaking the news to your spouse, you can do some other steps to protect yourself. Surround yourself with the support of family, friends, and professionals.

How does moving out affect a divorce?

In some cases, moving out could impact the fight over the ownership of the family home. Although, if the home is not a safe place to be, secure a place to live before you file for a divorce. Consult with your attorney before you make any steps. 10. Build up tolerance and resilience.

What to do when you break the news to your ex?

Once you break the news to your soon-to-be-ex, you need to be more careful about your actions and the things you say. They can be used against you in a court of law.

Can divorce affect your finances?

Divorce can affect your finances, time with your children, and whether you stay in your home , so it is advisable to have legal aid. Consult with an attorney before you take any divorce steps. They can answer any dilemmas like “what is the first step to getting a divorce” or “how to file for a divorce”.