what do you call a lawyer jokes

What are the Funniest Lawyer jokes you've ever heard?

Here’s a quick look at 10 of the funniest lawyer jokes we’ve heard. 1. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

Do you need a law degree to get these jokes?

You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes. You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one. These counselors of law lead pretty serious lives and sometimes handle grave situations. So, if you know a lawyer or a law student, text a couple of these jokes their way.

Should lawyers take humor personally?

Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary).

Who are some famous people who said “he is an attorney”?

– John Gay (1685-1732), English dramatist. Peachum, in The Beggar’s Opera, act 1, sc. 9, Air 11. #90 I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. – Samuel Johnson (1709-84), English author, lexicographer.

What does the doctor say to his lawyer?

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

What did Little Johnny say to his teacher?

Do you need a law degree to make jokes?

Does Kim Kardashian have a law degree?

Do lawyers make easy targets?

See more

About this website

What is a lawyer's person called?

Lawyers are also called attorneys. Lawyers give advice to people on their disagreements in court. It is the lawyer's job to talk to the judge and jurors for the people who come to court.

What does it mean to call a lawyer a shark?

For years lawyers have been celebrated for aggressive and often times, unreasonable negotiations and fighting no matter the cost. “Sharks” used to be equated to a person who refuses to back down, and most likely to hurt the other side in a divorce.

What words are related to lawyer?

In this page you can discover 50 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for lawyer, like: legal adviser, attorney, legist, counsel, advocate, jurisprudent, counselor, barrister, legal practitioner, amicus curiae and prosecuting attorney.

What is a female lawyer called?

On several occasions, female lawyers and judges are made to affix their status to their names such as “Miss”, “Mrs.” and “Ms.” during introductions in court or in legal documents, while the male lawyers and judges are not required to do so or can use general terms like “Mr.”.

What name is given to a female lawyer?

Address the envelope with her full name and either "Attorney At Law" or "Esquire." Do not use "Ms." on the envelope. For example, "Mary Smith, Attorney At Law." The next line would be the name of her law firm if applicable, then the address.

Lawyer Jokes! - Short, Funny Jokes and One-Liners That Will Make You Laugh!

A collection of short, funny jokes related to Lawyers! << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Funny Lawyer Jokes

2 - A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counte... More ››

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What happened to farmer Joe?

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

Is it illegal to disguise yourself as a hunter?

It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. #155. A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter.

What do lawyers say to a waitress?

A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.

What does the doctor say to the lawyer at a party?

A doctor and a lawyer. During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.". The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend.

What does a man say when he walks into a bar?

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.#N#Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all#N#lawyers are assholes.'#N#A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'#N#'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.#N#'No I'm an asshole!'

What does the lawyer say when a rich man is arrested for murder?

A rich man is arrested for murder finds an Attorney that says#N#" Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you"#N#It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.

What did the Devil say to the lawyer?

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''#N#The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

What does the lawyer say to the genie?

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.#N#"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."#N#After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."#N#The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."

What was Husband #2's job?

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing.

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself.

Long Tour of Duty

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same.

A Little Too Literal

If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?

Roll Call

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. “Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said. “Linda Jones, probation officer.” “Sam Clark, public defender.” “John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”

The First Case

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

Court of Less Appeal

Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes:

Frame of Reference

When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. “Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust,” she responded. “And how did that turn out?” “I don’t know,” she said. “Ask me when I’m dead.”

Is it funny to joke about lawyers?

Lawyer jokes are hilarious. You can exchange them with your friends. It gets better if one of your friends is a lawyer. But, make sure none of the jokes get too offensive. Sometimes a joke told the wrong one can blow up on your face or threaten your relationships. So, think thoroughly before it is too late.

Do lawyers have to be good at words?

If you have any lawyer friend in your group you will know how easy it is to make their fun. Lawyers’ need to be good with words. And their job description demands them to twist the truth sometimes. This is why their profession can easily be molded into jokes by a little exaggeration.

What did a lawyer teach his son?

A lawyer obviously wanted his young son to become a lawyer too, so he began training him in the right earnest, quite early. He began teaching him how to tell lies

What did the lawyer say to the farmer who shot a duck?

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retri ...

What happened to Farmer Joe?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened.

What does the doctor say to his lawyer?

81. During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.”. The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What did Little Johnny say to his teacher?

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”. 36.

Do you need a law degree to make jokes?

You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes. You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one. These counselors of law lead pretty serious lives and sometimes handle grave situations. So, if you know a lawyer or a law student, text a couple of these jokes their way. It’ll put a smile on their face so big, everyone ...

Does Kim Kardashian have a law degree?

(Kim actually isn’t a lawyer yet. She takes the bar exam in 2022.) So, if your knowledge of legislation begins and ends with Law and Order, that’s OK. You don’ t need a law degree to get these jokes. You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one.

Do lawyers make easy targets?

Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). In fact, take it as a compliment.