Here’s a quick look at 10 of the funniest lawyer jokes we’ve heard. 1. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” said the lawyer.
However, even though he was certain he had missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUMP.” Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father.
– John Gay (1685-1732), English dramatist. Peachum, in The Beggar’s Opera, act 1, sc. 9, Air 11. #90 I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. – Samuel Johnson (1709-84), English author, lexicographer.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change the venue to Hell. When the lawyer asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, “We have all of the judges.”.
After years of hard work, Angie took her first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. While sitting in a deck chair, she recognized a former school classmate, a long-lost friend from her old hometown.
After feeling about the snake’s body for a few minutes, he asserted, “Well, you’re scaly, you’re slimy, you’ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you’ve got a forked tongue.
He called for the three men he trusted most – his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each £30,000 in cash before I die.
The NHS has announced that it will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use solicitors. They have given three reasons for this decision:
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. #155. A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter.
A lawyer obviously wanted his young son to become a lawyer too, so he began training him in the right earnest, quite early. He began teaching him how to tell lies
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retri ...
A wealthy lawyer spent four weeks every year in his luxury treehouse in the hills. Every summer, he invited one of his friends to stay with him for a couple of days. One summer he invited a Czech friend to visit him. They spent a wonderful time there, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened.
She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"
A dying man wants to prevent his family from inheriting his wealth. So he entrusts the money to his three closest friends: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. He gives each friend an envelope with $1,000,000 in cash, and makes them all swear to bury the money with him when he dies.
Ten minutes after the Rabbi leaves, there's a knock on the bedroom door. It's the Rabbi, exclaiming, "I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the s ...
The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”
A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? From chasing parked ambulances.
'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' Joe Martin
How many lawyer jokes are there? ONLY 3. All the rest of them are TRUE STORIES.
In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.
Jo Andrews at the Red Cross realized that they had not ever received a donation from one of Philedelphia's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his smart office suite.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift's floor.
Betty and Martin were about to get married. Just before the wedding, they were tragically killed in a car crash. When they arrived at the gates of heaven they explained to St. Peter that they were about to be married on earth, and that now they would very much like to be married in heaven.