what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?

What are some famous quotes about lawyers?

What did the Lawyer say to the other Lawyer? We are both Lawyers. VIEW MORE JOKES TAGGED WITH: Lawyers. ,

What is the definition of a lawyer according to John Adams?

Feb 14, 2013 · Seven law students and one professor performed at The Draft pub for an impressively large audience and helped raise a total of $1,800. ACORN is a national organization that advocates for low- and moderate-income families to seek justice in social issues like neighbourhood safety, health care, and affordable housing.

What is a lawyer?

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We are both lawyers!" The second lawyer gave a half-hearted smile, trying to avoid shedding a tear. The banality of the statement was clear evidence that his friend had suffered lasting brain damage from his recent car accident.

What did the lawyer say to the lawyer about the cows?

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers. 0 comments. share. save. hide. report. 100% Upvoted. Log in or sign up to leave a comment. Log In Sign Up. Sort by: best. no comments yet. Be the first to share what you think! More posts from the AntiJokes community. 620. Posted by 6 days ago.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What does the tiger say to stop it?

The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, “I said stop it!”. The rear tiger says, “Sorry,” and they continue.

What does the Hindu say about the rabbi?

The farmer says that there are only 2 extra beds, and one person will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, “I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn,” so he goes out to the barn.

What happened to farmer Joe?

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

Is it possible that he could have been alive?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. #5. A famous lawyer, who had been a public defender for years, dies. He finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue outside the gates of Heaven. The queue before him is enormous.

Is it illegal to disguise yourself as a hunter?

It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. #155. A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter.

What does the attorney tell the accused?

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”

What does Satan say to a lawyer?

A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

How much did Conan O'Brien get for getting stuck on the It's a Small World ride?

A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the It’s a Small World ride. He said he’ll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won’t stop playing “It’s a Small World After All.” Conan O’Brien

How to choose a lawyer?

Choosing a lawyer is a crucial step in the resolution of your legal matter. Whether you are a plaintiff or a defendant, or merely a party looking for counsel, the right lawyer is key. But like all relationships, the lawyer-client relationship does not always last forever. Common problems that clients report with attorneys include: 1 Poor results. The lawyer is simply not achieving the results you were led to believe he or she could achieve. 2 Bad communication. The lawyer is not communicating about crucial legal matters and decisions, leaving you uncertain of where your matter is or what's expected of you. 3 Lack of professionalism. The lawyer perhaps arrives late to meetings, doesn't remember key facts about the case, cannot find documents already provided by the client, and even forgets to submit documents by key deadlines.

Why is it important to choose a lawyer?

Choosing a lawyer is a crucial step in the resolution of your legal matter. Whether you are a plaintiff or a defendant, or merely a party looking for counsel, the right lawyer is key. But like all relationships, the lawyer-client relationship does not always last forever.

Why do judges get annoyed with lawyer shopping?

Judges in particular might become annoyed at a client who is "lawyer shopping," because this delays the matter and clogs their dockets. It also suggests that you are a difficult client, or that your claims are not meritorious.

What are the bad things about lawyers?

Bad communication. The lawyer is not communicating about crucial legal matters and decisions, leaving you uncertain of where your matter is or what's expected of you. Lack of professionalism.

Does a lawyer-client relationship last forever?

. . . like all relationships, the lawyer-client relationship does not always last forever.

Is a lawyer responsible for your own legal affairs?

One important thing to realize is that, even though you hired the services of a professional, you are still ultimately responsible for your own legal affairs, and for what your lawyer says and does on your behalf. If you believe there is a problem with the service you are receiving, it may be vital to your interests to do something about it.

What is a lawyer?

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief.". -- Franz Kafka. The trial lawyer does what Socrates was executed for: making the worse argument appear the stronger. -- Judge Irving Kaufman.

Who said "I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do"?

I don't want a Lawyer to tell me what I cannot do; I hire him to tell me how to do what I want to do. -- J.P. Morgan. Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the mainstream and damn it up. -- John Naisbitt, in Megatrends.

What did Dow say to the men?

Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno. When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: all of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place.".

What would happen if there were no witches?

If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary". "Lawyers Are": One skilled in the circumvention of the law. "Lawyers Are": A learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself.

Who said "A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats"?

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Benjamin Franklin. There's no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. "Lawyers Are": Those who lie, conceal and distort everything and slander everybody.

Do bulls win bull fights?

Bulls do not win bull fights; people do. People do not win people fights; lawyers do. Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two. Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.

Who was Lorenzo Dow?

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night. He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove discussing the town's business.

Who decides where to bring a lawsuit?

The plaintiff initially decides where to bring the suit, but in some cases, the defendant can seek to change the court. (2) The geographic area over which the court has authority to decide cases. A federal court in one state, for example, can usually only decide a case that arose from actions in that state.

What is the appellant in a lawsuit?

To make such a request is "to appeal" or "to take an appeal.". Both the plaintiff and the defendant can appeal, and the party doing so is called the appellant. Appeals can be made for a variety of reasons including improper procedure and asking the court to change its interpretation of the law.

How many people are on a federal criminal jury?

Federal criminal juries consist of 12 persons. Federal civil juries consist of six persons. plaintiff - The person who files the complaint in a civil lawsuit. plea - In a criminal case, the defendant's statement pleading "guilty" or "not guilty" in answer to the charges in open court.

What is bail in criminal law?

bail - Security given for the release of a criminal defendant or witness from legal custody (usually in the form of money) to secure his/her appearance on the day and time appointed.

What is the difference between acquittal and affidavit?

A. acquittal - Judgment that a criminal defendant has not been proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. affidavit - A written statement of facts confirmed by the oath of the party making it. Affidavits must be notarized or administered by an officer of the court with such authority.

What is the power of an appellate court?

appellate - About appeals; an appellate court has the power to review the judgment of another lower court or tribunal. arraignment - A proceeding in which an individual who is accused of committing a crime is brought into court, told of the charges, and asked to plead guilty or not guilty.

What is the charge to the jury?

charge to the jury - The judge's instructions to the jury concerning the law that applies to the facts of the case on trial. chief judge - The judge who has primary responsibility for the administration of a court. The chief judge also decides cases, and the choice of chief judges is determined by seniority.