one lawyer town joke when the second one arrived

What is the best walk into a bar joke?

Nov 06, 2019 · 74. Lawyers be like: I wish you a happy day but in no way guarantee you one. *escapes liability* 75. I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline.” “You don’t have much of a case,” he replied. 76. My attorneys have advised me I not yell timber, even if it’s going down.

What are the Funniest Lawyer jokes of all time?

Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the …

What did the passenger say when the driver gave him a jolt?

Jan 27, 2021 · “I’ll grant you three wishes,” the genie says. “There’s just one condition. I’m a lawyer’s genie, so for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same thing, only double.” After thinking a moment, the man says, “For my first wish, I would like $10 million.” “Lawyers will get $20 million,” the genie reminds him.

What did the bartender say to the Lion at the bar?

Apr 27, 2017 · You’ll Go Ape for This One. A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 …

What did an elderly gentleman do in a cocktail lounge?

An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. The gentleman walked over, sat beside her, ordered a drink, then turned to her to ask, “Tell me, good-looking, do I come here often?” Submitted by Bill Warren

How long was a man stranded on a desert island?

A man was stranded on a desert island for 20 years when a navy ship finally spots him. The captain comes ashore and notices three huts. “What are they used for?” the captain asks.

What did Jim do at Buckingham Palace?

Jim was invited to Buckingham Palace. He wasn’t familiar with royal etiquette, so he decided to simply follow the Queen’s lead and hope for the best. When tea was served, the Queen removed her cup from her saucer. Jim nervously mimicked her. She poured some milk into the saucer and Jim did likewise. When she put the saucer on the floor, he was surprised. Then she called, “Here, kitty…” Submitted by Khalid Khan

What happens when a man touches a lamp in the boat?

While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three.

Why was Murphy sent to Ireland?

A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.

Where do Sol and Morty meet?

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

What does the wife say to her mother after a heated argument?

After a husband and wife have a heated argument, the wife calls her mother. “He fought with me again! I’m coming over to live with you.”#N#To which her mother replies, “No, no, darling. He must pay for his mistake. I’m coming to live with you.” Submitted by Joan Vercueil

What does a guy say when he walks into a bar?

As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "That shirt looks great on you!”

What did Julius Caesar say to the bartender?

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus." The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a Martini ?" "Look," Caesar replies, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

What does the bartender say to the woman in the bar?

The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here.". "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer. The other woman follows, her chihuahua in tow, and orders a beer as well.

Why doesn't the horse reply to the bartender?

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what he’d like. The horse doesn’t reply because it’s a horse and obviously can’t speak or understand English. Several people get up and leave, sensing the danger in having a live animal in a bar.

What does a gorilla say to a bartender?

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

Funny One-Liners

1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Best One-Liners

41. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Good One-Liners

81. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘ Uno, dos …” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

What did the husband say to his wife when they were dining at a restaurant?

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: "Our food has arrived! Let's eat!" His wife reminded him: "Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!" Her husband replied: "That's at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook..."

What does Satan say to a lawyer?

A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

What does a trooper smell when he pulls over a priest?

A trooper pulls over a priest and immediately smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger seat. “Have you been drinking?” the officer asks. “Just water,” says the priest. “Then why do I smell wine?” The priest looks at the bottle and shouts, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Who is Harry Sinclair Lewis?

About the Poet. Harry Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951) was an American novelist, short- story writer and playwright. He is the first American writer to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature. Some of his famous novels are ‘Hike and the Aeroplane’, ‘The Job: An American Novel,Free Air etc.

What did the hack driver tell him about the hack driver?

Earnestly: sincerely. As the hack driver was working hard for him, he told him the truth behind his search. He told him that Lutkins was a witness in a very important case but he was not helping them out by giving them the details. That information of Lutkins could help them in solving the case quickly.

What did the workers get after eating wormy trenchers?

After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get “trench mouth. ”. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “upper crust”. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey.

Why do people get married in June?

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the B.O.

Funny One-Liners

One-Liner Jokes

• 21. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. 22. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast. 23. Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. 24. My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that. 25. A termite walks into ...

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