lawyer who said gotcha

1. This shady plaintiff

"I was representing a plaintiff in a hit-and-run case. Plaintiff is testifying and is, despite me preparing them for several hours the previous day, an absolutely terrible witness for her own case. Like, she couldn’t even identify the street she was crossing when she was hit by the car. The 'oh shit' moment came during cross examination.

2. This lawyer's epic fail

"I sat in on a personal injury case, where the plaintiff broke their leg in an accident and had a doctor on the stand as an expert. The woman's lawyer begins questioning the doctor about their experience with leg injuries (he was a well-known orthopedic surgeon in the area).

3. This simple question-and-answer mess-up

"Custody dispute. Dad's attorney grilled mom for about 20 minutes on texts she had sent claiming to sell her prescriptions. She wouldn't admit it. Dad's attorney moved on and eventually ended with, 'One more question. Where did you get the pills you were selling?' Mom responds without thinking, 'Oh, my doctor prescribed them.'"

4. This automobile assumption

"I had parked my motorcycle in my driveway. The officer ordered me to remove it, and tried to levy fines for the violation. He went after my landlord and tried to get me evicted. Eventually, I got a lawyer and filed a complaint. When asked to point to the bylaw I was breaking, he did and even read it out, which basically read:

5. This oblivious attorney

"Custody case. Attorney stands up in this case and goes to the judge: 'My client has only been found guilty of child endangerment in (county next to us) and (county next to that). I see no reason that this court should hold that against him when it comes to custody of his children.'"

6. This dead giveaway

"Custody dispute. Children have severe asthma. The kind of asthma that requires special equipment, and mom said the father is ignoring these issues. He's negligent. He's endangering them. Mom should have custody. Mother called her mother — the kids' grandma — to the stand. She babysat the kids often.

7. This BS evidence

"I was reviewing some documents of a case involving work-related death benefits. Naturally, the deceased's heirs were claiming the money as they were the beneficiaries. Basically, the heirs just had to prove that the deceased's death was work-related. I noticed that the official certificate of death said the guy passed away on Jan.

1. Lady Luck Failed to Testify That Day

A woman backed out her car directly into a truck in a casino parking lot but luckily it was just a little fender bender damage. My client, the truck driver, said she parked and went inside the casino for a few hours. At her deposition, she testified that she was so hurt that she went right home and to a hospital.

2. Ensured to be Screwed Over

My client’s house burned down from an explosion in the fuel oil tank. It was clearly the oil maintenance company’s fault, but his homeowner’s insurance still refused to pay out, citing a ridiculous technicality.

4. We Have Lawyer-Client Privilege For a Reason

A former client filed for bankruptcy and brought an action against his landlord too. To prove “damages,” he needed to show that he paid my firm for legal fees connected to the dispute with his landlord.

6. The Ice-Cold Truth Spills Out

The plaintiff said a car crash injured him so badly that he couldn’t any work, any regular activities, or pick up his young kids. He then posted a video on his public Facebook profile where he does the Ice Bucket Challenge. If you’re not familiar, he basically lifted a huge cooler filled with ice water over his head.

7. The Charges Are Coming From Outside My House

When I was in the military, I was accused of something I didn’t do. At court, the prosecutor described how the investigators staked out my apartment for months. They entered a picture of “my apartment” into evidence. Uh, no? It was my ex wife’s apartment. A place I had NEVER lived (never even spent a single night there).

8. Cheaters Never Perjure

I handled a fraud case where a man said someone stole his Rolex at a hotel. There was just one problem: there was no proof that he visited a hotel at the time of the “theft.” The guy’s sworn in and immediately slips that he wasn’t at a hotel, but with his mistress. He just left his watch at her house.

9. Licensed to Fib

The first case I ever did, opposing counsel misplaced the copy of my client’s driver’s license. Rather than admit their mistake and ask me to resend it, they filed a motion to compel us to send it. In other words, they claimed we never gave it to them in the first place. Well I provided proof that we sent it like eight months ago.

This lying witness

"My client was riding his motorcycle on a relatively calm street when this guy exited his garage, without looking, and ran him over. In deposition, the guy brought a witness that was with him on the passenger seat. The whole time, the witness maintained that my client was driving too fast and that there was no time to brake the car.

And this lying father

"Parent termination case I was prosecuting. Dad went on how he has changed his life around by doing the AA program. I asked him what step he was on, and he proudly proclaimed, 'Three!' Asked him what Step 3 is — he had no idea. Then asked him Step 2 was. Again, no idea.

This forged deed

"I compared the scanned copy of the deed provided by the other side's lawyers to the original my client eventually got around to providing.

This coaching scenario

"I was reviewing the transcript of an interview with a child. The child made incriminating statements against my client. At one point, when discussing the allegations, the child used an odd word, but I didn't think much of it.

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A few days later, I was watching a video of the child interacting with their grandmother (who hates my client) from about a week before that interview. The grandmother used the exact same odd word in the exact context the child later used it. At that moment, it became clear that child had been coached.

This chronological proof

"I trapped a defendant pretty badly one time. He testified in a deposition that he had a green arrow for his left turn, and that my client ran the red. Unfortunately for him, the additional turn lane arrow was installed two months after the wreck." — u/Lawschoolsishell

This lying state trooper

"My friend was defending a guy who was asleep in the backseat of his car while intoxicated and a NYS Trooper arrested him. On the stand, the trooper testified that he visually saw 'the key in the ignition.' My friend gave him like three chances to walk it back. 'Are you sure, trooper, that you actually saw the key in the ignition?' He said yes.