lawyer on how to respond to a personality disorder ex

by Mrs. Carissa Shields PhD 10 min read

Do you need a lawyer that understands your personality type?

Do not underestimate the importance of retaining a lawyer that understands this personality type. It will make things much easier for you in the long run when you don’t have to “educate” your lawyer on whom you are dealing with.

How do you deal with an ex who has borderline personality disorder?

Employ empathy as much as possible; if you begin interactions by validating your ex’s feelings (as unreasonable as they may be), you will have a better chance of cooperation. Practice self-care. Managing a BPD is draining and can feel like a full-time, thankless job.

How do you deal with an ex who constantly rages at you?

Calm yourself before you or talk to your ex. Use coping skills when you feel upset instead of lashing out or otherwise indicating that they’ve rattled you. If you resort to anger, they will just up their game and – because they thrive on drama – wear you down.

Does your ex or stbx have borderline personality disorder?

If you know or strongly suspect your ex or STBX struggles with BPD, read on to learn how you can create post-divorce stability for you and your children. Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health disorder. Classic symptoms of BPD include:

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How do you respond to a personality disorder?

How to HelpBe patient.Be realistic.Try to separate facts from feelings.Validate feelings first.Listen actively and be sympathetic.Seek to distract when emotions rise.Do not allow yourself to be the product of the intense anger; attempt to diffuse it but sometimes you may have to walk away.More items...•

How do you prove narcissistic personality disorder in court?

Getting a narcissist to reveal themselves in court may be as easy as allowing them to talk about what a great parent they are to their children. Let them talk about how they spend time with the children doing homework, taking them to practice, and riding bicycles.

How do you win a court against a narcissist?

How to Deal with a Narcissist in Court ProceedingsCommon Narcissistic Traits. Exaggerated self-importance (feelings of superiority without achievements to support it) ... Don't Engage. ... Shield Your Kids from the Conflict. ... Don't Expect Mediation to Work. ... Document Everything. ... Be Prepared to Explain Narcissism to the Judge.

How do you confront someone with BPD?

To help someone with BPD, first take care of yourselfAvoid the temptation to isolate. ... You're allowed (and encouraged) to have a life! ... Join a support group for BPD family members. ... Don't neglect your physical health. ... Learn to manage stress. ... Listen actively and be sympathetic. ... Focus on the emotions, not the words.More items...

Do judges recognize a narcissist?

Though virtually all judges have dealt with NPD's, many judges may not know the difficult person before their bench in custody court is an NPD, and most judges do not understand the disorder well enough to make effective interventions to curtail the abuses that the NPD perpetrates on everyone in their life, including ...

What happens when a narcissist loses in court?

What happens when a narcissist loses in court? They get angry if they believe they are beginning to lose a custody case. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Your spouse may try to make you look bad in court.

Can you sue for narcissistic abuse?

Yes, you can sue for emotional abuse. Attorneys across the United States recognize emotional abuse as a cause of action, allowing families of those victims of emotional abuse in nursing homes to sue in response to their loved ones' mistreatment.

How do you beat a narcissist in an argument?

Take these steps to handle a narcissist:Educateyourself. Find out more about the disorder. It can help you understand the narcissist's strengths and weaknesses and learn how to handle them better. ... Create boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries. ... Speak up for yourself. When you need something, be clear and concise.

Do narcissists lose custody?

A major way how a narcissist affects custody is by pursuing parental rights as a form of enhancing or creating a power disparity between themselves and the other parent. It is believed that many narcissists primarily want child custody not for the welfare of the kid, but for their own gratification.

What triggers a person with borderline personality disorder?

These include: being a victim of emotional, physical or sexual abuse. being exposed to long-term fear or distress as a child. being neglected by 1 or both parents. growing up with another family member who had a serious mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or a drink or drug misuse problem.

Do people with BPD have empathy?

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are emotionally fragile, impulsive, suffer from low mood, have intense unstable personal relationships and – according to a handful of studies – they also have enhanced empathy.

How does a borderline react to no contact?

Along with high emotions - the borderline partner's fear of abandonment may be triggered and they may try harder to hold onto the relationship - or possibly they won't be able to cope and will seek retribution.

What are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health disorder. Classic symptoms of BPD include: 1 Instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning; 2 Impulsive actions and unstable relationships; and 3 Intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.

How to handle a BPD?

Check in with yourself daily to monitor your own stress level. Do you feel unusually tired? Have headaches or stomachaches? Feel anxious, irritable, near the end of your rope? Take a time-out from your divorce and do something to make yourself feel better – schedule a doctor’s appointment, get therapy, take a yoga class, write in your journal, watch a movie, hang out with friends (but don’t talk too much about your ex!). If your emotional and physical cylinders are running smoothly, you will be better able to handle your ex.

How to coparent with your ex?

Explain that you and your ex are trying to work out ways to co-parent better and acknowledge that there are difficulties. Keep the emotional charge out of your voice and body language , tell only what needs to be told, and don’t share your feelings about your ex. Be consistent with limit setting.

Can BPDs blame others for their problems?

Don’t take things personally. Remember: BPDs blame others for their problems. The divorce has created a deep sense of shame and abandonment (even if they initiated it) and because they have limited self-awareness or healthy coping skills, they bolster themselves by tearing you down and blaming you for just about anything. People who do this are not psychologically healthy so you can’t take what they say as an accurate assessment of yourself or the situation.

Can a co-parent with BPD see themselves as a good parent?

When someone has borderline personality disorder, they often don’t see shades of gray, nor can they acknowledge that others are entitled to different points-of-view. As a co-parent, someone with BPD may see themselves as The Good Parent and anyone who agrees with them is great. Their ex is The Bad Parent and anyone who is even remotely friendly with their former spouse is terrible and not to be trusted. Setting limits with a BPD is an art form because even reasonable boundaries can become a trigger for unstable, combative moods.

Is my ex a bad person?

Your ex is not a bad person; they just have bad strategies for getting their needs met. While you can’t expect that they will change, changing how you relate to them may improve your dynamic, which will in turn create a more stable environment for you and your children.

What is spell castor?

TROLLS who advertise the lie of a “spell castor” are opportunist who rely on and exploit the venerable who are in pain. Do not believe the lie of these abominable lying TROLLS who would and will exploit you when you are at your most vulnerable state.

What does "suited clerk" mean?

With attorney as suited clerk, I meant simply: – A clerk at register office will take paper and file them. – A attorney at court will take paper and file them, also he will also verbally state part of those papers in court. The real thing comes from you, i.e. the papers, i.e. your written story and your evidences.

What is an exception that is not so much fighting fire with fire?

I can think of an “exception” that’s not so much fighting fire with fire as it’s reclaiming your rights and protecting yourself and others: If someone’s been abusing you and you need to go to someone for help with gathered evidence that this person not only has intentionally caused harm, but is dangerous, possibly to other people as well.

What to do when you take action?

So when you take action, make sure you’re not trying to control someone else or the outcome of events but rather simply serving your own best interests. Decide what your limits are and what actions you’re prepared to take to defend your boundaries, then enforce those limits and boundaries.

What happens when you have a long relationship nightmare?

Sometimes, just when you think your long relationship nightmare is finally over, the character disordered person you’ve managed to separate from begins causing you no end of trouble. From spreading lies about you to your relatives, friends, and acquaintances, to engaging in several tactics to make things as difficult as possible for you, ...

Can a pit bull let it go?

If he is a pit bull, he will never let it go. Going Pro-se, the courts should hold you to a lesser standard and allow you leeway in presenting your case. If the courts rule in your favor they may allow for more fair and equitable settlement because of the children, again he can appeal the decision.

Is it hard to ignore a narc?

Good Article However it is difficult to ignore a narc when they make up such horrible lies that you have to legally defend yourself. When the protection order is thrown in your face when she takes your kids through the legal loopholes of “no proof needed”

How often does BPD affect women?

The incidence of BPD is believed to be somewhat over one percent of the general population and affect women three times more often than men. I suggest you try a MN family law attorney search including the term 'mental health'. The experienced and seasoned family law attorney is often not lacking knowledge as to mental illness including personality disorders. Some attorneys, not all, have specialized training...

Is borderline personality disorder a family law issue?

Borderline Personality Disorder is not something unfamiliar to most experienced family law attorneys. A Contention that one spouse or anther suffers from a disorder is not so unusual. If there is a sufficient basis, a court may often authorize a psychological evaluation of one or both parties as part of a custody dispute...

Is BPD legal in divorce?

However, BPD is not legally relevant to the financial issues in a divorce, as it would be to the child custody related issues. There are a few family law lawyers who also have mental health backgrounds, but however well they may understand BPD, it is far more...

What does family and friends fail to realize?

What families and friends often fail to realize is that misdirected emotions, past experiences, and current stressors often make those with BPD vulnerable to conflict. I have spoken to many parents who are perplexed by their daughter’s over-reaction to a simple request or a perceived slight. The emotional reactivity and risky reactions often displayed by one with BPD is worrisome to many families.

What is codependence in a relationship?

Engage in codependent behaviors: Co-dependence describes two individuals who lose their own identities, values , belief systems , feelings, thoughts, etc. due to an unhealthy fusion of two individuals in a relationship. Co-dependency may come across to others as “sweet,” “romantic,” or even “charming” until the truth comes out. In families, co-dependency can come across as “closeness” or “supportive.” When co-dependence develops, the individual with BPD may control and manipulate or feel vulnerable if the relationship does not work out. If you begin to feel “suffocated” or responsible for how they ultimately feel, clarify the boundaries of the relationship and then empathize with them. Some individuals with BPD struggle with feelings of abandonment and will do almost anything to decrease these feelings. This conversation must be empathetic.

Why do people use triangulation?

Triangulation (i.e., bringing 3 or more people into an argument) is often a “vehicle” used to either obtain validation from someone else or get attention. Most people seek validation from people they trust and this is healthy. But some individuals seek validation to feel supported in doing things that aren’t okay.

What is the language used to describe someone with BPD?

The language used to describe individuals with BPD can come across to sufferers as cold, detached, and uncaring. But the language is often reflective of individuals who have been hurt, manipulated, or controlled by someone with BPD.

What does it mean to be the go to person for BPD?

But for some individuals with BPD, becoming the “go to” person may also mean that you will become the one most manipulated and controlled.

What are the foundations of relational problems?

The foundation of relational problems is often anger and impulsivity. If you are feeling devalued or completely disrespected, make that known to the person and then create boundaries that make it clear you will not tolerate any abuse. If this does not help, gradually distance yourself until boundaries are “reset.”.

What is the job of a therapist?

As a therapist, it is my job to “study” the human mind and find the “key” to helping people change or alter their ways. But even as a trained therapist, there are times I miss clues when working with individuals who have BDP. It’s often easy to do. So it doesn’t shock me when parents, families, caregivers, friends, etc. come to my office desperately seeking help and suggestions on how to cope with a loved one with BPD.

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