Divorce Joke 10 A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?” She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.” He says, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
The Husband and the Lawyer “This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit. ‘I’ve got grounds, all right,’ sputtered the irate husband.
Divorce Joke 22 A hillbilly walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: “May I help you?” Hillbilly: “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces”. Attorney: “Well do you have any grounds?” Hillbilly: “Yea, I got about a hundred acres.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, ‘Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.’ ‘Because,’ the man says, ‘I live in a two-story house.’ The judge replies, ‘What kind of reason is that?
They tell him they'd like to file for divorce. He looks at them and asks, "Why would you get a divorce at your age?" The husband replies, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."
Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce? Blonde: My husband's been cheating on me. Lawyer: He's been cheating on you? What makes you say that? Blonde: He isn't the father of my son.
The law contemplates for a while, then leans forward and says, “Let me get this straight. You say want to divorce your wife because she is acting really silly?”
Mickey and Minnie go to a divorce lawyer. The lawyer says "Mickey, it says here that would want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy? Mental illness is a sickness. Didnt you vow to love her in sickness and in health?" Mickey replied "You misunderstood. I never said she was crazy, I said she was fuc ...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more c ...
Kevin and Tom are talking one day at the bar when Kevin mentions his elbow has been bothering him and he needs to make a doctor's appointment.
The divorce attorney flips through the file and says, "Okay, so you want to file for divorce from Minnie because she has a... mental disorder?" Mickey says, "I didn't say she has a mental disorder, I said she's fucking Goofy!"
"So you want to get divorced? Exactly how long have you been married?" the lawyer asks.
A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
Attorney: “So let me get this straight here, Mickey. Are you telling me you want to divorce your wife because you think she might be crazy?” Mickey: “No you must have misunderstood. She’s fucking Goofy!”
He says "I'm with your wife right now. She's taking all of it." The man says, "Pssh. There's nothing to take!" The attorney replies, "nine inches isn't nothing."
As they see each other only this time of the year, they have a lot to talk about. On their last day in the woods, the men decide to go for a little walk. Suddenly, they hear someone whimper. They follow the noise to a well and with combined efforts, they rescue a little fairy from its ground.