In fact, his wife is often fearful that he will succeed in charming her divorce lawyer! A narcissist thinks he is always right, and has to have the last word. He lacks empathy for his wife’s point of view and cannot put himself in her shoes.
Just a glimpse of their true face will be enough for the judge to see them as an unfit parent, and rule in your favor. Even if you don’t have a lawyer who is experienced in dealing with a narcissist, talk to the one you do have about your ex (or a family member who’s trying to get custody of your kids).
Because for all the smoke and mirrors the narcissist has little impulse control. If the lawyer can push certain buttons and make them feel threatened, they might go into an overdrive and explode with rage. Just a glimpse of their true face will be enough for the judge to see them as an unfit parent, and rule in your favor.
Advancement and achievement are extremely important to narcissistic lawyers, and they envision the environment around them as one where they should be the center of others' attention due to their achievements.
The process of securing child custody against a narcissist is essentially the same as with anybody else. Both parents must either agree on a custody plan during mediation and take it to court to be approved, or they must fight over the specifics of their arrangement during litigation.
Key Takeaway About Beating a Narcissist in Family CourtDocument everything with facts, dates, and copies of any communications.If other people witnessed your spouse's behavior, tell your lawyer immediately.Remain calm during each court appearance or meeting involving your spouse.More items...•
Getting a narcissist to reveal themselves in court may be as easy as allowing them to talk about what a great parent they are to their children. Let them talk about how they spend time with the children doing homework, taking them to practice, and riding bicycles.
How to Deal with a Narcissist in Court ProceedingsCommon Narcissistic Traits. Exaggerated self-importance (feelings of superiority without achievements to support it) ... Don't Engage. ... Shield Your Kids from the Conflict. ... Don't Expect Mediation to Work. ... Document Everything. ... Be Prepared to Explain Narcissism to the Judge.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Being exposed, especially in front of people they want to impress, will trigger the narcissist's rage. Family law professionals will witness a distinct personality change and have proof that the narcissist's words don't line up with their actions. The narcissist will be careful not to directly malign you in court.
Tips for co-parenting with a narcissistEstablish a legal parenting plan. ... Take advantage of court services. ... Maintain firm boundaries. ... Parent with empathy. ... Avoid speaking ill of the other parent in front of the kids. ... Avoid emotional arguments. ... Expect challenges. ... Document everything.More items...•
Yes, you can sue for emotional abuse. Attorneys across the United States recognize emotional abuse as a cause of action, allowing families of those victims of emotional abuse in nursing homes to sue in response to their loved ones' mistreatment.
Mental and Physical Well-Being of Parents Parents' mental well-being is of great concern to a judge in a child custody case. Psychological disorders, overwhelming stress, drug or alcohol abuse, and mental health crises can prevent a parent from acting in their child's best interests.
All attorneys, and especially judges, need to first recognize, understand, and then learn effective means to deal with the mental health disorder classification of 'personality disorders', and in particular, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as it is often completely missed by many professionals.
How to Divorce a Narcissist and WinUnderstand the Narc's twisted mind.Unpack your toxic relationship.Save time and money in divorce court.Obtain a more favorable settlement.Heal from the aftershocks of narcissistic trauma.Transform into a more powerful version of yourself.
10 Strategies for Dealing with Your Narcissistic ExRealize they wont change. ... Remember a divorce happened. ... Schedule responses. ... Answer only what is asked. ... Dont tolerate any abusive behavior. ... Appreciate the silence. ... Use the hamburger method when something is needed. ... Limit interactions.More items...•
Individuals with this disorder “exhibit a lack of ability to empathize with others and an inflated sense of self-importance.”
From a legal standpoint, if you have no child custody order in place, you will need to file a child custody action, since negotiating an amicable resolution with an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will not likely be successful. Further, court orders hold parties accountable. At your consultation, one of our attorneys will explain the benefit of having child custody set forth in a court order versus a legal contract.
The Custody Evaluator (usually a psychologist) will synthesize all of the gathered information and provide an opinion as to what a proper custodial arrangement should be based on their research. The judge is presented the report at trial, and it is up to the judge to adopt the recommendation as an Order of the court or not. However, the judge is not bound by the report. It is likely the recommendation will be followed, but it is not mandatory.
There are a few important things to know about divorcing a narcissist, such as: 1 Look at their actions, not their words 2 Toxic, exploitative relationships can create trauma bonds 3 Narcissists often act like they are the perpetual victim 4 Stunted emotional intelligence can lead to denying, reflecting, and minimizing 5 Threats of abandonment or the silent treatment 6 Narcissists often use a form of manipulation called gaslighting
Narcissists constantly try to exploit you or avoid the rules, leading to little to no results. You may need to go to trial, which means you need to prepare for the emotional difficulties that could arise. Ultimately, a judge may be able to see more clearly than your ex can, especially about contested issues like child custody.
The team at Keithley Law, PLLC can work with you and help you gather information that is useful to the divorce and child upbringing process.
Narcissists often use a form of manipulation called gaslighting
Narcissists often act like they are the perpetual victim. Stunted emotional intelligence can lead to denying, reflecting, and minimizing. Threats of abandonment or the silent treatment. Narcissists often use a form of manipulation called gaslighting.
If you have decided to co-parent or the court has made a decision regarding shared custody, there are a few things you can do to protect your child. For one, as your child gets older, you can work with them to help them recognize toxic behaviors. Ensure they know that their needs and concerns are important and that they should not be brushed aside due to any small perceived slight.
If you are trying to share parenting with your soon-to-be-ex, keep in mind that: Adults who are insecurely attached may raise their children with insecure attachments. Parental alienation, which is a form of child abuse, can result from flawed parenting.
Robertson says that in divorce cases involving a narcissist, there is one party who is approaching everything logically, and the other—the narcissist—is approaching things emotionally. This means assets are at risk as the narcissist wants to “ win” at all costs.
Don’t make disparaging comments about your spouse in front of your children and work with a therapist who can guide you on helping your children if disparaging comments are being made about you. The more fuel is thrown into the fire, the longer it will burn. Take the high road, especially when your kids are watching—and even when they aren’t. Remember that narcissists don’t think the rules apply to them, so be prepared for anything and keep your lawyer informed. Stay as calm and level-headed as possible and don’t leave a paper trail that proves instability or anger, especially on social media, with anything that could be damaging to your case in court.
Take advantage of the co-parenting tools the court offers. In Texas, family courts require each parent goes to a court-ordered parenting class, separately, to learn about effective ways to co-parent during and after the divorce. Use the communication techniques and advice from the class and take advantage of educational opportunities and counseling for yourself and for your children. Another court-ordered tool is the Our Family Wizard docket. For a nominal fee, each parent is required to purchase and use this calendar which keeps track of who has the kids when, doctor appointments for the kids, game schedules, extra-curricular activity schedules, etc. This minimizes the communication between parents and can also be used as a record in court in future modification cases, should they arise. “You will be co-parenting your children until they turn 18, and there will be a lot of changes,” Robertson says. “It’s not unusual to find yourself back in court. It’s not uncommon for the narcissist parent to encourage parent alienation from the other parent and use the children to meet their emotional needs because their spouse no longer can. It’s important to be aware of this and act accordingly to minimize damage as soon as possible.”
The lawyer can be a buffer and do most of the communication about the divorce for you or through your spouse’s attorney. If there is something your spouse has threatened you with or that you don’t understand, present it to your lawyer rather than going over it with your spouse.
It won’t do any good to keep trying to engage the narcissist or get him or her to come to empathize with your plight or see your point of view. It’s an unproductive cycle, and in a divorce, time is money so the sooner you disengage, the sooner you’ll reach the end of your divorce.
Rely on your attorney’s expertise. It is likely to be quite difficult for you to disengage from your narcissistic spouse. Your attorney is more objective and has been around this block many times before. Select an experienced divorce lawyer, work closely with him or her, and then rely on that judgement and experience as your case proceeds.
Most divorce cases do settle, and it is generally wise from both a financial and emotional perspective to try to settle your case. However, when the other party is a narcissist, this is unlikely to be a successful strategy.
In order to get a legal professional to see through the narcissist’s facade, you need to get your spouse to act the way they do with you when they are NOT in court, or in the mediator’s office. The judge or mediator needs to observe your spouse behaving badly in order to believe you. This will provide evidence that no amount of explaining ever will.
Winning in court or in mediation requires backing up your statements with evidence. Your opinions are hearsay, but documented facts are proof. When you’re in front of a judge or mediator, pretend you’re a reporter. Lay out the evidence that provides a narrative of your ex’s character and behavior. Remember: don’t get emotional! The more you stay calm and reasonable, the more your narcissist spouse will be frustrated that they can’t get you to look bad. Your demeanor, and exposing the inconsistency between their words and their actions, will make your spouse reveal their true personality.
The Psychology Of The Narcissist. The Narcissist has designed a perfect exterior to cover their deep-seated sense of inadequacy. As long as you appeal to their false self, they will value and even idealize you.
The narcissist will be careful not to directly malign you in court. Instead, they will find subtle ways to make you look bad, something along the lines of: “she tries so hard to be a good mother, but I worry that her anxiety upsets the children.” If you react to their manipulative behavior by becoming emotional or defensive, you will look like the high-strung, checked-out parent that they claim you are.
Narcissists are experts at manipulating people by distorting reality in subtle ways: taking facts way out of context, appearing victimized when they’re actually the victimizers, presenting themselves as perfect parents even if they do very little to care for the kids. They do this to get a reaction out of you so they can then point out your “flaws”: you’re invariably some combination of anxious, emotionally reactive, paranoid, mentally ill, and impossible to please.
The trick to triggering a narcissistic rage is to first make your STBX look good in front of your family law professionals. Once you have done this, and thrown them off-guard, you then ask questions to expose their problematic behavior.
Being exposed, especially in front of people they want to impress, will trigger the narcissist’s rage. Family law professionals will witness a distinct personality change and have proof that the narcissist’s words don’t line up with their actions.
How Narcissists Use the Courts to Continue Their Abuse. As if the abusive marriage, relationship or business partnership wasnt bad enough, the narcissist has to escalate the matter by threatening legal action. The legal system becomes an unknowing and unwilling extension of the narcissistic arm reaching out to cause as much damage as possible.
Child custody laws are there for the best interest of the child and if the child misses the other parent, they should be allowed to speak with them. Senseless motions/hearings. In order to delay the process, the narcissist will file senseless motions, excessive hearing, and multiple postponements.
False Accusations. Narcissists will often beat their opponent to court by falsely projecting their issues onto the opponent. This false accusation forces the opponent to be on the defensive and causes the court system to frown when the opponent makes a similar charge against the narcissist.
Narcissists love to find loopholes in the law and use it their favor. However, if their opponent were to utilize a loophole against them, the attacks would be ruthless. For the narcissist, this is a one-way street where only they can dodge an issue. Jury Tampering.
Narcissists will incite and encourage their victims to act irrationally and then call the police on them. While technically this is not entrapment because it isnt a law enforcement officer doing the act, the victim will none the less feel trapped.
This temperament is important- it shows that you are emotionally stable under pressure.
Narcissists often thrive in the emotional chaos associated with divorce and custody battles. Don’t give in to their desires. Let your lawyer do the speaking. If you talk, stick to the facts.
Narcissistic personality disorder entails having an overinflated ego and needing control. Narcissists lack empathy and insight into other people’s emotions. Therefore, when they feel threatened, they often react with extreme gaslighting. As a result, they will likely push to your limit throughout this process.
This risk escalates if you’re the one leaving. They may do everything in their power to punish you or try to convince you to come back.
Abuse is one of the most important considerations a judge examines when evaluating custody. As you know, narcissistic abuse isn’t always blatant. That’s why documentation, restraining orders, and remaining calm and objective help your case.
Judges want to see that children will be living in safe, clean, stable homes. You should be able to prove that your child has their own bed, clothes, room for their own belongings, and adequate space for play and mealtimes. Some judges prefer granting custody to the parent who remains in the family home.
Structure and routine are important for a child’s development. For this reason, judges want to ensure that a child’s schedule remains as consistent as possible. They tend to grant custody to a parent who can keep their kids in the same school and following the same schedules.
The lawyers, the judges, the police and other law officials are even less likely to recognize a narcissist (unless they’ve had experience with this before). So make sure you get the best representation possible. A lawyer versed in dealing with a narcissist will know how to expose them.
Keep calm and stay away. As a rule, try not to have any arguments (or even contact) with the narcissistic ex (or whoever you’re battling in court) prior to the custody hearing. Narcissists are very good at pulling you into conflict, and making you emotional. Because when you’re emotional, you’re likely to make a mistake.
Narcissists are extremely crafty and manipulative, and they can twist the truth in their favor like no other.
So the psychologist is more likely to diagnose narcissistic features or traits. This doesn’t get you an advantage in court since most people have traits of narcissism to some degree.
If the lawyer can push certain buttons and make them feel threatened, they might go into an overdrive and explode with rage. Just a glimpse of their true face will be enough for the judge to see them as an unfit parent, and rule in your favor.
Start a file with any supportive documentation – emails, texts, social media posts, maybe even recordings, and keep adding to it every time your ex steps over a boundary or violates an agreement.
They also work very hard at presenting a “saintly” public image so many people will be fooled by that, including law professionals who don’t have experience working with narcissistic or any cluster B personalities.