A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launderer walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You guys must be here to talk about adoption." (thanks to Dr. A) A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get you, Mr. President?" (thanks to Devon Handy) C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me an erroneous punchline!" The woman says, “But Mabel! It’s eating my popcorn!” A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hi, Mitt!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says... “You’re all so mean,” and pours two beers. 116. ƒ (x) walks into a bar.
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect. The policeman : Tell me what happened. The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person.
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter." The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command.
The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?" The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy." "Insurance policy?" "Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."
They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home.
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines? Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.
There was a mole in my yard and I asked him to help me kill it. He asked if it needed to look like an accident.
Walks into a bar jokes are a great way to break the ice or entertain new people. They come in all shapes and sizes, making them the perfect jokes for any event. A well-told joke is sure to have people laughing in no time. When you are choosing walks into a bar jokes, remember to pick one that will suit your audience.
Here are the 16 best walk into a bar jokes: 1. A ghost walks into a bar, the bartender says... This joke is so simple it is actually hilarious. Show Answer. Answer. “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”. 2. A sandwich walks into a bar.
1. Know your audience. First things first, when you want to tell some jokes, you really need to know your audience. Whether you are telling jokes at a business party or at a family dinner, having a general idea of your audiences likes and dislikes will help you choose the best walks into a bar jokes. 2.
For some reason, bad jokes, and more particularly bad walk into a bar jokes, are always a crowd-pleaser. That's why it is great to have some bad jokes up your sleeve.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
I walked into the library the other day and asked the librarian if he still had that mouldy old book on giving your child up for adoption. "It was vile so I got rid of it." "That's the one."
A college student goes to an adoption agency and talks to one of the clerks. "welcome to the adoption agency, how may i help you?",Says the clerk. "I need to put my grades up for adoption.", says the student. "I am certain that we don't accept grades",said the clerk The Student says,"what am i gonna do" he shouts"WELL I CAN'T RAISE THEM."
So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade
I just can't raise it myself [joke credit to the girl I overheard say it in the library]
One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal. 10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said, " If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."
"I want a brother!" I said. He said, "Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now." "Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked. He said, "No, we're not doing that again."